BROWN & GREY: CHAPTER 6

 

BELLION POV

It's been ten months and the wedding planning is almost about to end. In two weeks I'll be a married woman. Its also been ten months since Lota has been working for me and I've been getting to know him better.

Each day spent with him makes me happier, he's been teaching me a little bit of his language. Just the simple details though and also how to drive, I've been learning really quickly. 

I've also been introduced to more food like Abacha and Achicha. Even though we still argue about it sometimes. I still think that Achicha is better. I find myself liking him more each day. 

Lota was going to france in two weeks as well, one of my contacts pulled through, he was going to start his internship soon. I will miss him a lot though. Lota is a kind man, caring, respectful and he treats me like I matter. Like I'm not irrelevant. But I couldn't forget that I was marrying Kai, I needed my father to be proud of me, I wanted him to see my worth. So if that meant burying all these feelings, I would do it.

Today was my birthday and my mother's death anniversary. Dad was usually away everytime this day comes. I've never celebrated any one of birthdays before. Dad never says it but I'm sure he still blames me after all this time. Everyday of my life is used to prove to him that I deserve his love. If marrying Kai Mckay will prove to him that I do? Then I would. Just so he would love me. 

It was my fault mum was dead, maybe If she hadn't birthed me, she would still be alive. This is why I do everything Dad says. I need to appease his heart. I need to make him see that I deserve his love. 

I went outside and I saw Lota already leaning on the car, he looked as handsome as he usually does. My heart skipped a bit looking at him. This is going to be harder than I thought. 

"Ututu oma" I called out. He looked at me and smiled.

"Well, look at you, Asa. You've finally learnt how to pronounce it." He said happily.

"Practice makes perfect right?" I said giggling.

"That your smile, you don't know what it does to me." He said. There my heart goes again, we shouldn't be talking to each other like this. 

"I want to go somewhere." I said killing the tension immediately.

"Okay, where?" He said.  

"The grave yard." I said and he looked confused.

As we got to the graveyard, we both entered through the gate, Lota still looked confused as he followed me. I resolved that I would clear him up when we got to my mother's stone. As we reached we sat down next to each other. I lit a candle and put the flowers I bought on the way for her. I turned to Lota to explain to him and put him out of his misery.

"This is my mother's grave. She died during child birth while giving birth to me. I come here whenever this date arrives. Today is her death anniversary." I spoke. Suddenly Lota looked at me eyes wide open.

"Which means today is your birthday? Why didn't you tell me Asa." He said.

"I've never celebrated before. Dad was always away on this day, so I never saw the use." I said. 

I don't even celebrate with Kayla even though she's begged me so many times to, I just don't see the use if my dad isn't there. That's how much I wanted him to love me.

"Mba (no), that won't do Asa, we're celebrating after this, your mother wouldn't want you to wallow on this day. I'm sure she would want you to be happy." He said. 

"Come on, Asa m, let's celebrate." He said tickling me and wiggling his eyebrows at me. I laughed and gave in.

"Okay, okay. Stop tickling me." I laughed. 

"So, what would you like to do today, my treat." He smiled.

"Achicha." I said giggling like a child. He laughed at that. And I admired it, the same way I admired his beautiful face, everyday.

❤️❤️❤️❤️

After our beautiful dinner out, we went to the park, we just sat and gazed at the stars. It was silent until Lota spoke.

"Asa?" He said and I turned to him.

"I hope you don't mind me asking but, why doesn't you father celebrate with you? why does he treat you the way he does?" He asked.

I don't know if it was the emotions of the day that made me say what I did. But I said it anyway.

"Because it was my fault. It was my fault mum died, if she hadn't given birth to me, she would still be here." I said. 

"I overheard dad once when he was drunk. He was drunk on my birthday, which means he's likely to talk a lot. I don't think he remembers that day, but I remember his words. 'You're the worst thing that has ever happened to me'. He said his wife would still be alive, if I hadn't killed her." I cried after saying that.

All my life, I've done everything to make him happy, everything Lota. I just want him to love me. That's all I've ever wanted." I said turning to him and sobbing. Lota touched my cheeks and wiped my tears.

"You don't need to prove your worth to anyone, you don't need to earn your father's love, he should love you naturally. It's not your fault, Asa and if your father can't see that. Then he doesn't deserve you. You're amazing, smart and  talented. Asa you're everything anyone would ever want." He said looking at me lovingly. He was perfect. To hell with dad and Kai, I didn't need his love, I didn't need to prove my worth to him. I had love right in front of me. Lota was right in front of me this whole time. 

"I love you, Asa." Lota said. I just couldn't resist it anymore and some part of my heart knew I wouldn't be able to. I leaned in and then Lota got the hint, he touched my cheek and then we kissed. It was beautiful just like I imagined it would be. I knew what I would say right after. No one needed to tell me.

"I love you too". I said and then I resolved that I would confront my father and finally do what makes me happy.

To be continued.